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Top 40 things you wish you could say to your boss or at work but can’t

OK, so it’s not always smart to say exactly what you are thinking at work. (Alright, it’s almost NEVER smart). But if you hold it all in, that quiet ticking sound you’ll hear is the countdown till you completely lose it. So what’s the solution? How about 1) open an anonymous email account, and 2) send this to your boss. And if you are a boss, odds are there’s someone else you’d love to send it to… So, here it is: A little office humor for you: The top 40 things you’d love to say at work.
Things you’d love to say out loud at work
1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of sh*t
2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet its hard to pronounce
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public
5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn
6. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter
7. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message
8. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant
9. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying
10. Ahhh…I see the ****-up fairy has visited us again
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don’t give a damn
14. I’m already visualising the duct tape over your mouth
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you
16. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
20. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
21. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of karma to burn off
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial
23. And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be..?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn’t an office. Its hell with fluorescent lighting
26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed
31. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality
32. A cubical is just a padded cell without a door
33. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic and disorder – my work here is done
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay.
39. You know the good thing about your bad breathe is it almost masks the fact that you never shower.
40. I know you’re trying to increase productivity and all, but don’t you think blocking porn sites is taking it a little too far? Besides, it’s the only time I get too see your w…fe.

What to Do When Your Boss Is Wrong

We’ve all been there. You’ve been handling a client, solving a problem, preparing a major presentation, planning a critical marketing meeting, and your boss or supervisor disagrees with your approach. The boss tells you how to do it, and you are convinced that it won’t work.

What do you do? Do you cave in and do it his or her way knowing it is going to fail? Do you plunge ahead with your approach, knowing he or she won’t like it?

Neither answer is good for your career or for your business. So, how should a hard-working, talented, and dedicated employee respond?

How you approach this prickly problem has a lot to do with the relationship between you and your supervisor and with your experience base, but there are some basic questions to answer that may help you break the loggerjam. I am assuming in this discussion that there is no harassment issue or other underlying problem and that you both disagree, perhaps strongly, on the right approach.

Question number one: Have I done this before? Is there evidence that would support my position?

Question number two: Is there evidence that supports your boss’s position? If you consulted with other experts in the field (without telling them you are in disagreement with your boss) which approach would they favor?

Question number 3: Can you both be right? Is there some compromise you could make that would take the best of both of your approaches?

After thinking this issue through, you may be more willing to change slightly but what about your boss? Is there a way to get him or her to budge? Yes, if you do it right.

First of all, schedule some time with your supervisor and have the conversation in private. You never want to make the boss look bad in front of others. Any disagreements you might have are between the two of you, not the entire department.

In the meeting, thank your supervisor for taking the time to discuss the project. Tell him or her you have been considering the approaches. Then state what you believe is your boss’s approach and state its merits. (There has to be something good you can say about it, however much you think it is wrong.) When he or she agrees, then say, there are just a couple of things we should do to improve upon the approach.

When he or she asks what, suggest one small thing that you think would open up the discussion and allow you to propose an alternative. If he or she is amenable, work in a second suggestion. Keep the discussion going, making it a give-and-take as opposed to an argument. Keep it about the business, keep to the facts and keep calm. If you get emotional, your argument will lose its impact.

Prepare for this meeting by thinking out the key elements you want to discuss and perhaps modify. If you get to some areas where you simply can’t agree, then unless it is life threatening, dishonest or career breaking, see if there is some common ground on which you can agree. Don’t threaten, and don’t cower. Treat your boss with respect and you will get it in return.

Hopefully this exchange will help you see both sides of the issue and make whatever endeavor you are working on that much stronger. But if you can’t agree then you have two choices. Either you follow what boss says or you tell him or her you want to try the alternative and are willing to live with the consequences.

If at that point, he or she still says no, then again, unless it involves safety or integrity, you need to do it his or her way and give it your all. You will gain more respect by taking something you don’t necessarily agree with and making it a success, than by taking it on and secretly hoping it will fail. Whether is it because of the approach or not, being associated with a failure is never good for your career.  

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If you are serious about your professional career and want to pass your IT Certification exam in first attempt and don’t want to waste your precious time and money then visit http://www.ComputerTipsnTricks.com/ITcert.htm

How to argue with your boss and win … may be

Do your homework and try not to be confrontational when disagreeing

Apple’s people told Steve Jobs the new iPhone had antenna problems that needed fixing. They didn’t get through, though, and as a result Apple brought a faulty product to market. It’s hard to disagree with the boss, especially a hard-driving, charismatic one like Jobs. But it’s part of a manager’s responsibility to push back against a decision, a plan or a directive that’s faulty. Here’s how you can argue successfully with the boss and live to tell about it. Take these three steps.

1. Get all the facts. Is the boss’s decision really boneheaded? Maybe there are reasons for it that you don’t understand. The company’s strategy could be shifting in response to competitors’ moves, a pending cash crunch, a regulatory problem, M&A activity, or other conditions not yet apparent to you. It’s possible that the boss understands there will be problems but feels that from a big-picture perspective the plan makes sense.

You’ll encourage an open discussion about the decision if you listen respectfully as the boss announces it rather than reflexively arguing against it or, worse, disagreeing in public or losing your temper. Ask for “background” about the plan, not a “rationale” for it, which can sound confrontational. Learn what it’s meant to achieve. Learn in what ways the decision is based on solid evidence, and in what ways on assumptions. Ask open-ended questions about the effect it will have on staff, the supply chain, finances, the company’s reputation and so on.

Tell the boss you agree with his objectives, or you agree that change is needed, or that there are parts of the plan that sound really good to you. Ask for permission to study it and discuss it later. Schedule a meeting.

Gather all the intelligence that’s available so you can develop an alternate plan that achieves the original decision’s objectives but avoids its problems.

2. Develop your plan. Don’t let your disappointment about the decision make you feel you have to start from scratch. Identify what’s good about the boss’s plan. Try to retain those parts, not only because they’re right but also to give the boss some ownership of your version. Get creative. Think about all the other ways the expected goals could be reached. You can begin by picturing an ideal solution and thinking forward to see what would be needed to make it work.

Mine your network for ideas. Ask people across the company how they can add value to your proposition. Suppliers can be especially useful to talk with, since they may have processes that can help. As you talk with others, make it clear that you’re looking for the best way to make the boss’s plan work, not trying to supplant it with your own.

Test your plan with trusted advisors. They may identify flaws you don’t see. Maybe your plan won’t generate revenue quickly enough. Maybe it relies on resources that are no longer available. Your advisors can help you make the process you’re proposing faster, cheaper and even more effective. They also can tell you if it will threaten someone who might try to block it. Working with them, you can find ways to get that person’s support.

Think about the boss’s personal motivators as well. Maybe he’s playing it safe because of a pending retirement, or maybe he’s accepting some risk to earn a huge bonus. You can’t get into someone else’s mind, but you can try to get into the boss’s shoes, to look at the plan from his perspective. (While you’re at it, examine your own motives: Are you against the plan because it hurts you in some way? Because you weren’t consulted? Because the boss is a dork who couldn’t have any good ideas?)

3. Present your plan.
Anticipate what questions the boss may ask about your plan, and prepare concise, persuasive answers to them. Prepare a written summary that you’ll leave behind. Present your plan with confidence and enthusiasm, because if you don’t show you believe in it, the boss won’t either.

Begin by describing the plan’s payoffs, and then go into details of its implementation. Don’t burden the boss with too much detail, though, unless you’re asked for it. Once the boss is satisfied with your answer to a question, stop explaining and move on with your presentation. Avoid digressing from your main message or mentioning other people’s criticisms of the boss’s plan.

Choose your words carefully. When discussing the original plan, never use the word “disagree.” That might get the boss’s back up. Even a “but” might infer you’re negating what the boss says. Present “recommendations” or “suggestions,” not the “conclusion” you reached about what’s needed, which would sound pompous.

Despite your best efforts, the boss may insist that you carry out the original plan. If that happens, the best solution may be to get approval to do so on a test basis. Be sure you make it an honest test, not one intended to showcase the plan’s weaknesses. Document every step. Let staff members who don’t have an interest in the results help you make your evaluation. Cite their participation when you report the results.

What can you do if the boss remains unpersuaded? Come to the meeting prepared for that possibility. If the plan violates law or compromises ethics, you may choose to refuse and accept the consequences. Absent those kinds of problems, though, you can agree to move ahead and feel good about it because you’ve met your obligation to make a strong case against the decision. Be sure the boss understands that you’re ready to move forward with dedication and enthusiasm.

At some point every manager has to argue with the boss. Whether or not you’re successful, the challenge can provide a payoff. You get to demonstrate leadership, creativity, an ability to negotiate and deep concern for the well being of both your boss and the company.
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By Bill Rosenthal

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If you are serious about your professional career and want to pass your IT Certification exam in first attempt and don’t want to waste your precious time and money then visit http://www.ComputerTipsnTricks.com/ITcert.htm for Free Practice Exams, Free Study Material / Books etc.

10 Ways to Manage Bad Bosses – according to CNN.com

Do you ever think your boss behaves like a child going through the “terrible twos,” throwing tantrums or reverting to a little lost lamb when in over his or her head?

I call this regression “Terrible Office Tyrant” (TOT) behavior. TOTs can act like schoolyard bullies afraid to reveal the slightest incompetence, or like helpless children. They can be fickle, stubborn or needy or have irrational fears. And they can consume your workday, not to mention wreak havoc on productivity and profits.

A bad economy, workplace pressures and stress can trigger the many striking similarities between bad bosses and terrible tykes. We’re all human, and behind a boss’s professional facade is often a grown kid who can’t handle his or her power.

When your boss slips into any of the 10 classic TOT behaviors, including the “bratty” type (overly demanding, stubborn, self-centered or tantrum-throwing) or the “little lost lamb” variety (fickle or overly fearful), you can use proven parental techniques and actually thrive in your job. By seeing the childlike motives behind a boss’s (or co-worker’s) actions, you can better manage even the most difficult situations.

Use C.A.L.M.
The top four tips to keeping your office from being a corporate playpen are best described by the acronym C.A.L.M.: communicate, anticipate, laugh and manage up:

1. Communicate
Communicate frequently, openly and honestly. Savvy TOT-tamers take the initiative to establish an open dialogue. At work, stay aligned with your boss’s objectives rather than focusing on your pet projects, so that your work remains consistent with what’s most critical to management.

By bravely opening the dialogue, you’ll also avoid misunderstandings with co-workers; other factors may be contributing to an ignored e-mail or seemingly unfriendly response, such as a tight deadline or pressure from the boss.

2. Anticipate
Be alert for problems and prepared with solutions. Offer answers to emerging issues; don’t add to the pile of problems if you want to avoid triggering bad behavior. Your boss wants to delegate as much as possible — as long as you make the process worry-free. Know when to stay away if you expect a tantrum is coming down the hall.

3. Laugh
Use humor, or what I call “the great diffuser” of tension, to break down interpersonal logjams. Laughter helps create bonds and reminds us of our larger purpose: to work together with upbeat, constructive energy. We can and should be able to accomplish great things as a team at work, while having some fun. Take the initiative to do this and watch the seething subside.

4. Manage up
Let yourself shine by being a problem-solver and collaborator. You can be a beacon of positive energy for your boss, co-workers and team. Part of managing up also means setting limits to bad behavior. Oftentimes TOTs are unaware of the effect of their actions. You can influence these actions, and your skills will be transferable to any job.

Advanced TOT-taming tips
Here are some specifics on how to tame your TOT and humanize your workplace. Try these time-honored “parenting” techniques:

5. Don’t fight fire with fire
If your TOT is tantrum- or bully-prone, mirroring his childish behavior is a downward spiral. Avoid the temptation to win the battle and lose the war. Instead, calmly and concisely tell your boss how his or her actions affected you. Keep a matter-of-fact tone and be factual. Use “I” statements rather than “you” to avoid an accusatory demeanor.

6. Use positive and negative reinforcement
When bosses set aside their worst TOT traits, respond with gratitude and comment on how it inspires you to do your best. Praising positive actions is a powerful way to foster better behavior. Over time, your boss will link the better management style with positive employee morale and results. Remember, if there’s something in it for your boss, you can effect change.

7. Know your timing
Timing can be everything, with a child or an office tyrant. Learn the best times of day to approach your boss. Study his or her patterns, mood swings and hot buttons and plan your interactions accordingly. It can make the difference between a pleasant “yes” and an irrevocable “no!” If you anticipate problems with solutions, you become indispensable.

8. Be a role model
Project the highest ethical standards and radiate positive energy. Maintain a balanced demeanor and approach each crisis (real or imagined) with a rational style. Your boss often needs a sounding board and you can be a valued voice of reason and calm when issues emerge.

9. Package your information well
Some TOTs can be frustrating when they’re inattentive or unavailable. It can seem like a form of corporate ADD, or as I call it, BADD (boss attention deficit disorder). BADD bosses can’t focus on important tasks and allow e-mails, text messages, phones and people to interrupt their (and your) flow.

Make sure you understand your boss’s ideal communication method, package your work in an appealing way and make your presentations engaging and interactive. Make it irresistible for your boss to find out about your projects.

10. Set boundaries
Let bosses know privately when they’ve gone over the line, but do so diplomatically. Keep the conversation focused on your work product. If your manager is intentionally malicious, that’s another matter that requires more serious action. If, after repeated efforts for cooperation (such as with a bully boss and unsupportive management), you may be best off looking elsewhere. You have to determine how much strife you can handle.
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By Lynn Taylor

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If you are serious about your professional career and want to pass your IT Certification exam in first attempt and don’t want to waste your precious time and money then visit http://www.ComputerTipsnTricks.com/ITcert.htm for Free Practice Exams, Free Study Material / Books etc.

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