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Top 40 things you wish you could say to your boss or at work but can’t

OK, so it’s not always smart to say exactly what you are thinking at work. (Alright, it’s almost NEVER smart). But if you hold it all in, that quiet ticking sound you’ll hear is the countdown till you completely lose it. So what’s the solution? How about 1) open an anonymous email account, and 2) send this to your boss. And if you are a boss, odds are there’s someone else you’d love to send it to… So, here it is: A little office humor for you: The top 40 things you’d love to say at work.
Things you’d love to say out loud at work
1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of sh*t
2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet its hard to pronounce
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public
5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn
6. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter
7. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message
8. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant
9. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying
10. Ahhh…I see the ****-up fairy has visited us again
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don’t give a damn
14. I’m already visualising the duct tape over your mouth
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you
16. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
20. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
21. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of karma to burn off
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial
23. And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be..?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn’t an office. Its hell with fluorescent lighting
26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed
31. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality
32. A cubical is just a padded cell without a door
33. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic and disorder – my work here is done
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay.
39. You know the good thing about your bad breathe is it almost masks the fact that you never shower.
40. I know you’re trying to increase productivity and all, but don’t you think blocking porn sites is taking it a little too far? Besides, it’s the only time I get too see your w…fe.

How to deal with a brutal boss

Feeling anxious? Constantly close to tears? Unable to meet deadlines or perform to your full potential? You may be suffering from stress caused by unacceptable behaviour from your boss.

The image of a tyrannical boss was perfectly captured by Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada. But when Gordon Brown was accused of bullying his staff, things were a little less clear cut.

A former adviser to Gordon Brown told the Guardian: “His intense bouts of anger are unremarkable to anyone who has worked closely with him. You just have to put up with this stuff. It is part of the daily experience, almost part of the furniture. He would behave in that way constantly.”

Lord Mandelson, however, saw Brown’s behaviour as less toxic and simply “demanding”, “emotional” with “a degree of impatience”.

“The definition of bullying behaviour,” says Steve Williams, head of equality services at ACAS – an organisation dedicated to resolving employment disputes, “is not about the intentions of the perpetrator, rather the reasonable perceptions of the victim.”

“There’s a clear line between bullying and harassment,” Steve continues. “Then there’s bad and unpleasant behaviour. You also have controlling and demanding management styles such as setting very high standards from colleagues – fine, as long as the manager gives his/her people the opportunity to succeed. It’s where behaviour violates your dignity and creates a hostile, offensive, intimidating and degrading environment.”

Examples of bullying behaviour at work might include the spreading of malicious rumours, forwarding sensitive memos to those who shouldn’t need to see them, overbearing supervision or the blocking of training opportunities.

If any of these sound familiar, take heart: you’re not alone. According to a Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development (CIPD) survey, one fifth of all UK employees have suffered from bullying or harassment in the workplace. A Unison survey found one in three female respondents were being bullied while bullying support group, the Andrea Adams Trust say more than two million people are bullied at work.

Is bullying and harassment in the workplace on the increase? Or are we simply more aware of unacceptable behaviour from our bosses and thus that much more likely to take a stand?

 “There’s a growing awareness from a more informed workforce,” considers Steve. “We’ve become more rights aware and that has made us more sensitive to behaviours.”

Steve agrees that different behaviours are acceptable in different environments (“On building or construction sites swearing is pretty standard practice, whereas that wouldn’t go down well at ACAS!”), but reiterates that the benchmark of what is acceptable has to come from the organisation.

“One of the key things organisations need to do is to have a policy around bullying and harassment and what it means in your organisation,” says Steve. “You can quote the law about what it [bullying] is but there comes a point where the organisation needs to ask, ‘What sort of behaviours are we going to proscribe’. They [the company] have got to involve their people in it so a consensus can form.”

What should people do if they feel their boss’ behaviour is unacceptable? “There’s a range of things you can do,” advises Steve. “From having a word with the individual concerned right through to putting in a grievance – and there’s a heck of a lot of steps in between.”

Here’s a few of those steps:

  • Talk to the individual concerned and express your frustration with the situation
  • Discuss your feelings with a trusted friend or colleague
  • Find out about your organisation’s policy is on bullying and harassment
  • Talk to your HR department
  • Contact a helpline such as ACAS or the Andrea Adams Trust for advice and support

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By TotalJobs 

 

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10 Ways to Manage Bad Bosses – according to CNN.com

Do you ever think your boss behaves like a child going through the “terrible twos,” throwing tantrums or reverting to a little lost lamb when in over his or her head?

I call this regression “Terrible Office Tyrant” (TOT) behavior. TOTs can act like schoolyard bullies afraid to reveal the slightest incompetence, or like helpless children. They can be fickle, stubborn or needy or have irrational fears. And they can consume your workday, not to mention wreak havoc on productivity and profits.

A bad economy, workplace pressures and stress can trigger the many striking similarities between bad bosses and terrible tykes. We’re all human, and behind a boss’s professional facade is often a grown kid who can’t handle his or her power.

When your boss slips into any of the 10 classic TOT behaviors, including the “bratty” type (overly demanding, stubborn, self-centered or tantrum-throwing) or the “little lost lamb” variety (fickle or overly fearful), you can use proven parental techniques and actually thrive in your job. By seeing the childlike motives behind a boss’s (or co-worker’s) actions, you can better manage even the most difficult situations.

Use C.A.L.M.
The top four tips to keeping your office from being a corporate playpen are best described by the acronym C.A.L.M.: communicate, anticipate, laugh and manage up:

1. Communicate
Communicate frequently, openly and honestly. Savvy TOT-tamers take the initiative to establish an open dialogue. At work, stay aligned with your boss’s objectives rather than focusing on your pet projects, so that your work remains consistent with what’s most critical to management.

By bravely opening the dialogue, you’ll also avoid misunderstandings with co-workers; other factors may be contributing to an ignored e-mail or seemingly unfriendly response, such as a tight deadline or pressure from the boss.

2. Anticipate
Be alert for problems and prepared with solutions. Offer answers to emerging issues; don’t add to the pile of problems if you want to avoid triggering bad behavior. Your boss wants to delegate as much as possible — as long as you make the process worry-free. Know when to stay away if you expect a tantrum is coming down the hall.

3. Laugh
Use humor, or what I call “the great diffuser” of tension, to break down interpersonal logjams. Laughter helps create bonds and reminds us of our larger purpose: to work together with upbeat, constructive energy. We can and should be able to accomplish great things as a team at work, while having some fun. Take the initiative to do this and watch the seething subside.

4. Manage up
Let yourself shine by being a problem-solver and collaborator. You can be a beacon of positive energy for your boss, co-workers and team. Part of managing up also means setting limits to bad behavior. Oftentimes TOTs are unaware of the effect of their actions. You can influence these actions, and your skills will be transferable to any job.

Advanced TOT-taming tips
Here are some specifics on how to tame your TOT and humanize your workplace. Try these time-honored “parenting” techniques:

5. Don’t fight fire with fire
If your TOT is tantrum- or bully-prone, mirroring his childish behavior is a downward spiral. Avoid the temptation to win the battle and lose the war. Instead, calmly and concisely tell your boss how his or her actions affected you. Keep a matter-of-fact tone and be factual. Use “I” statements rather than “you” to avoid an accusatory demeanor.

6. Use positive and negative reinforcement
When bosses set aside their worst TOT traits, respond with gratitude and comment on how it inspires you to do your best. Praising positive actions is a powerful way to foster better behavior. Over time, your boss will link the better management style with positive employee morale and results. Remember, if there’s something in it for your boss, you can effect change.

7. Know your timing
Timing can be everything, with a child or an office tyrant. Learn the best times of day to approach your boss. Study his or her patterns, mood swings and hot buttons and plan your interactions accordingly. It can make the difference between a pleasant “yes” and an irrevocable “no!” If you anticipate problems with solutions, you become indispensable.

8. Be a role model
Project the highest ethical standards and radiate positive energy. Maintain a balanced demeanor and approach each crisis (real or imagined) with a rational style. Your boss often needs a sounding board and you can be a valued voice of reason and calm when issues emerge.

9. Package your information well
Some TOTs can be frustrating when they’re inattentive or unavailable. It can seem like a form of corporate ADD, or as I call it, BADD (boss attention deficit disorder). BADD bosses can’t focus on important tasks and allow e-mails, text messages, phones and people to interrupt their (and your) flow.

Make sure you understand your boss’s ideal communication method, package your work in an appealing way and make your presentations engaging and interactive. Make it irresistible for your boss to find out about your projects.

10. Set boundaries
Let bosses know privately when they’ve gone over the line, but do so diplomatically. Keep the conversation focused on your work product. If your manager is intentionally malicious, that’s another matter that requires more serious action. If, after repeated efforts for cooperation (such as with a bully boss and unsupportive management), you may be best off looking elsewhere. You have to determine how much strife you can handle.
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By Lynn Taylor

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If you are serious about your professional career and want to pass your IT Certification exam in first attempt and don’t want to waste your precious time and money then visit http://www.ComputerTipsnTricks.com/ITcert.htm for Free Practice Exams, Free Study Material / Books etc.

10 Tips To Become A Better Boss

It’s pretty hard, says Bernie Erven, to find someone who says, “I’ve got good employees, but they’ve got a lousy boss.” More often, says the Ohio State University professor emeritus in employee and labor management, he hears this complaint: “I don’t have any problems. It’s my employees.”

The reality, he says, is “You will be about as good a boss as you choose to be.” Your reputation as a boss, and how that reputation influences your relationship with your employees and fellow managers, is the sum of the choices you have made and continue to make.

“Being a better boss is about you and your standards and your choices. It’s not about natural ability.”

It is, however, all about being willing to change, he adds, because becoming a better boss is no different than becoming better at anything else: You have to work at it and you have to be willing to learn how to do it differently if what you’re doing now isn’t working to your satisfaction.

“That’s at the heart of being a better boss,” he says. “Can you be a good boss for the next 10 years if you refuse to change? You’ll still be on your employees’ bad list. Or you won’t have any employees at all.”

Here are 10 areas where supervisors can make choices to help their bottom line:

  1. Welcome change. “Accept the fact that change is difficult. And so, if you’re going to be a leader, what does your own attitude about change have to be? Positive”. Say you want to introduce a new procedure. If you want your employees to change, you’ve got to give them information about the what, the why and the when. “Some of your very best employees might resist change because they aren’t yet persuaded that the change is reasonable, is justifiable, and is worth the risk”. That means employees need the information, but also some time to work it through. They need to be able to ask questions. “So if you’re going to welcome change and lead change and help people change over time as part of being a good boss, you’ve got to allow time. It can’t be done in a crisis.”
  2. Emphasize communication. Supervising employees is about building relationships, Erven says, and you can’t relate if you can’t communicate. “The most important single skill that can be learned, practiced, improved and evaluated is communication. You’ve got to make communication your key to building relationships”. The two most important places bosses can improve are in how they send messages and their ability to listen. Some people are readers; some aren’t. “So you’ve got to know the people you’re communicating with.”
  3. Have clearly understood procedures, policies and rules. “Is it fair to hire someone, not tell them what the job is, and then criticize them for not doing it well? Absolutely not,” Erven says. “Whatever the critical tasks are, teach the procedures. Leaving employees to figure out how to do what they’ve been hired to do is a sign of poor leadership. Make procedures understandable, practical and simple. Have clear policies and rules to guide and explain the whys.”
  4. Show enthusiasm. “How many of you had a high school coach who announced, ‘We’re going to lose all our games, but let’s practice anyway’? I’m absolutely convinced that enthusiasm is an invaluable personal characteristic for bosses,” Erven says. “I’m talking about having an interest in your job and I’m talking about if sometimes you have to pretend to be enthusiastic until your bad mood passes, do it. Your employees don’t want to know your problems. They want you to be enthusiastic.”
  5. Be fair. Consistently enforce rules, Erven says, and in all cases avoid bias, dishonesty and injustice. Doing this means you will be accused of being unreasonable at times, because you will make decisions based on careful reasoning, whereas employees often make decisions based on emotion. It’s also wise to separate your personal world from your employee-boss world. “Be friendly with all the people you supervise, but be buddy to none of them,” Erven says.
  6. Show empathy. Just because you have to make decisions based on clearly defined policies and procedures doesn’t mean you shouldn’t empathize with your employees. Empathy, Erven says, is understanding the other person’s situation. For example, two people are vying for a promotion and you choose Kendra over Kirk. “Who should get the news first? Kirk. Give him the chance to save face with everybody else by giving him the information first, rather than by learning it from Kendra coming away from your talk with a big smile on her face. That’s showing empathy.”
  7. Display trust. “Believe in your employee’s word, their integrity, their strengths, their assurance,” he says. “In other words, be in a position where you can trust the people around you. To have to say to an employee ‘I don’t trust you’ is a damaging relationship.”
  8. Continue learning. You will never know all you need to know, he says, and there isn’t a supervisor out there who is ready to manage a 2012 business. Many bosses have been supervising people for longer than some of their employees have been alive. “And you don’t understand them.” But they’re your workforce and you’ve got to continue learning to be an effective boss.
  9. Be flexible. “Adjust your leadership style for each person you supervise,” he suggests. “Delegate as much authority and responsibility as you can. That’s part of being flexible.”
  10. Envision the success you’re working to have. What is your vision for your people? What is your vision for your relationship with them? Having that clearly in mind will make it an easier goal to accomplish.

Grade yourself
Erven suggests supervisors honestly grade themselves on each of these 10 points. “Then ask one of your employees to ask the same thing of everybody you supervise, anonymously. Ask a trusted co-manager or supervisor to give you a grade on each of them.”

Then look at the results. “If you gave yourself an A on communication and everybody else gave you a C, what’s that telling you?”

Finally, develop a plan for improving your performance on these 10 items. “What will increase your chances of success? Having specific, measurable goals. And what will also increase your success is a coach, mentor, someone around you who helps you be honest with yourself and see the choices.”

By Brijj.com

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