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Top 40 things you wish you could say to your boss or at work but can’t

OK, so it’s not always smart to say exactly what you are thinking at work. (Alright, it’s almost NEVER smart). But if you hold it all in, that quiet ticking sound you’ll hear is the countdown till you completely lose it. So what’s the solution? How about 1) open an anonymous email account, and 2) send this to your boss. And if you are a boss, odds are there’s someone else you’d love to send it to… So, here it is: A little office humor for you: The top 40 things you’d love to say at work.
Things you’d love to say out loud at work
1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of sh*t
2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet its hard to pronounce
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public
5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn
6. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter
7. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message
8. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant
9. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying
10. Ahhh…I see the ****-up fairy has visited us again
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don’t give a damn
14. I’m already visualising the duct tape over your mouth
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you
16. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
20. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
21. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of karma to burn off
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial
23. And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be..?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn’t an office. Its hell with fluorescent lighting
26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed
31. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality
32. A cubical is just a padded cell without a door
33. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic and disorder – my work here is done
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay.
39. You know the good thing about your bad breathe is it almost masks the fact that you never shower.
40. I know you’re trying to increase productivity and all, but don’t you think blocking porn sites is taking it a little too far? Besides, it’s the only time I get too see your w…fe.

What to Do When Your Boss Is Wrong

We’ve all been there. You’ve been handling a client, solving a problem, preparing a major presentation, planning a critical marketing meeting, and your boss or supervisor disagrees with your approach. The boss tells you how to do it, and you are convinced that it won’t work.

What do you do? Do you cave in and do it his or her way knowing it is going to fail? Do you plunge ahead with your approach, knowing he or she won’t like it?

Neither answer is good for your career or for your business. So, how should a hard-working, talented, and dedicated employee respond?

How you approach this prickly problem has a lot to do with the relationship between you and your supervisor and with your experience base, but there are some basic questions to answer that may help you break the loggerjam. I am assuming in this discussion that there is no harassment issue or other underlying problem and that you both disagree, perhaps strongly, on the right approach.

Question number one: Have I done this before? Is there evidence that would support my position?

Question number two: Is there evidence that supports your boss’s position? If you consulted with other experts in the field (without telling them you are in disagreement with your boss) which approach would they favor?

Question number 3: Can you both be right? Is there some compromise you could make that would take the best of both of your approaches?

After thinking this issue through, you may be more willing to change slightly but what about your boss? Is there a way to get him or her to budge? Yes, if you do it right.

First of all, schedule some time with your supervisor and have the conversation in private. You never want to make the boss look bad in front of others. Any disagreements you might have are between the two of you, not the entire department.

In the meeting, thank your supervisor for taking the time to discuss the project. Tell him or her you have been considering the approaches. Then state what you believe is your boss’s approach and state its merits. (There has to be something good you can say about it, however much you think it is wrong.) When he or she agrees, then say, there are just a couple of things we should do to improve upon the approach.

When he or she asks what, suggest one small thing that you think would open up the discussion and allow you to propose an alternative. If he or she is amenable, work in a second suggestion. Keep the discussion going, making it a give-and-take as opposed to an argument. Keep it about the business, keep to the facts and keep calm. If you get emotional, your argument will lose its impact.

Prepare for this meeting by thinking out the key elements you want to discuss and perhaps modify. If you get to some areas where you simply can’t agree, then unless it is life threatening, dishonest or career breaking, see if there is some common ground on which you can agree. Don’t threaten, and don’t cower. Treat your boss with respect and you will get it in return.

Hopefully this exchange will help you see both sides of the issue and make whatever endeavor you are working on that much stronger. But if you can’t agree then you have two choices. Either you follow what boss says or you tell him or her you want to try the alternative and are willing to live with the consequences.

If at that point, he or she still says no, then again, unless it involves safety or integrity, you need to do it his or her way and give it your all. You will gain more respect by taking something you don’t necessarily agree with and making it a success, than by taking it on and secretly hoping it will fail. Whether is it because of the approach or not, being associated with a failure is never good for your career.  

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